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“I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don’t let anybody tell you different.” – Kurt Vonnegut

Throughout my college years I worked many hospitality jobs and spent many hours eavesdropping conversations of women on vacation. After college I spent time working an office job where I did the same and listened to my coworkers bitch and moan about men. On top of that, women have a tendency to ask me for the male perspective when it comes to dating.

Even though they never take my advice, they still like to hear it.  One common thread I heard in all these conversations was about how men are assholes.  He’s a dick because he was flaky.  He’s a dick because he was hooking up with women. He’s a dick.  He’s a dick.  He’s a dick.  


When I started paying closer attention to what these women were saying and disregarding their editorial comments, I found that these men who are being called assholes, never actually committed to a relationship.  Not only that, most of the time they made it clear that they didn’t want a relationship at all.  

When I would bring this to their attention, they would start asking me questions like “Then why did he spend so much time with me?”   The simple answer, they liked you enough to spend time with you, sleep with you but they just didn’t love you or they simply just didn’t want to be in a relationship.  

I’m always very upfront about my disinterest in relationships and even when being very open about this, I eventually get called an asshole for one reason or another.  For example, a girl I was sleeping with on a regular basis was totally fine with our situation.  We were having sex so often, I wasn’t even seeking out other women.  Then she started listening to my show and got paranoid about me sleeping with other women, even though I wasn’t.  Then she found out I slept with her roommate before I ever met her.  After this she went off about how much of an asshole I was and how big of a scumbag I am and she undoubtedly vented to her roommate and all her friends about this.

As she was berating me, she told me that she had feelings for me and was hoping that I would come around and blah blah blah.  So now as far as her friends who have never met me are concerned, I’m the biggest scumbag in the city.  Why am I  scumbag?  Because I hooked up with her roommate before we had ever met.  Because she assumed I was sleeping with other women, and because she wanted a relationship when I didn’t.  I didn’t lie.  I didn’t cheat.  I didn’t mislead yet I’m the asshole because she didn’t get what she wanted.  

This is akin to when a man hits on a woman and she doesn’t respond so he calls her a bitch.   Just because you didn’t believe him when he told you straight up he wasn’t interested in a relationship doesn’t mean he’s the asshole.  You can’t put a guy on a white horse, get your hopes up, then get upset when he doesn’t deliver.  

That’s all on you.  So next time you say a guy is an asshole and you badmouth him to all your friends and coworkers, you need to really think about who is at fault.  Or you can continue to believe your fictitious narrative and go on with your miserable and delusional life.  There are plenty of cats to adopt and a nice wine selection at Trader Joe’s to keep you busy as a strong, independent, single woman for the rest of your life.

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