(lipstick mask) You can keep your lipstick from getting all over while looking just like Hannibal Lecter at the same time.
(mobile crosswalk) The great thing about this is you will never jaywalk again. Officer, didn’t you see the crosswalk there?
(weird pants) Imagine trying to get these off when you’re about to get laid. Actually, nevermind. You’re not getting laid in these.
(poop alarm) Because the smell isn’t enough.
(rain catcher) Never buy a bottle of water ever again. Chess not checkers.
(table defense) Forget again. I want this for when somebody breaks in so I can go into battle like a true barbarian.
(tie umbrella) Business on the top, waterproof on the bottom.
(tie wallet) At least you’re not at risk of a pickpocket getting all your stuff.
(wipe helper) This is great. How I can eat my sandwich with two hands while dropping a deuce.
